


Imperfect (White Diamond) | Steven Universe

by Tatttletale



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Existential Angst, Existential Crisis, Hurt/Comfort, Other, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Self-Worth Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-22
Updated: 2019-01-22
Packaged: 2019-10-14 18:30:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17513717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tatttletale/pseuds/Tatttletale
Summary: White Diamond is supposed to be flawless. The perfect Gem. The role model. She is to rid Gemkind of any imperfection.But she's not flawless, and she hates it. She hides herself away so no one knows her weaknesses.But she can't fight the truth forever. Not even a Diamond can hold out under such pressure.*****Small retelling of "Change Your Mind". I wasn't happy with White Diamond's arc, sooo. . . this happened!





	Imperfect (White Diamond) | Steven Universe

_". . . As for me, I'm certain I don't need you. After all, I'm every colour of the light!"_

_". . . But you're a part of me — a part I always have to repress."_

_"Your new friends are so funny. . . Is that what they're supposed to be?. . . Funny?"_

        White Diamond had let her power do the talking until now. Now, Pink Diamond is  _infatuated_. Now, she is surrounded by her pathetic, greyscale friends. She knows she can make her yield.

        "Do you know  _why_  you defend their flaws?"

        Pink is silent. She has her now.

        "I know why, Pink."

        She lets her voice run through her puppets, echoing the words back at the defected Diamond from every angle.

        "You  _like_  surrounding yourself with inferior Gems."

         _"What?"_

        "You enable their terrible behaviour so you can be the  _best_  of the  _worst_."

        "That's not true!" the Diamond fights. She doesn't realise how fruitless it is. "And, even if it is . . . even if it  _was_. . . y— you're talking about my Mom! You're not talking about  _me_!"

        The chamber rings with her laughter.

        "Your  _'Mom'_?"

        This is too ridiculous. Even when Pink  _knows_  it's over, she still fights.

        "Guys, I'm here!"

        Ah, the human is back. When White directs the defected Pearl to fetch her, she is amused.

        "Well, what have we here? It's another one of your  _pets_!"

        Pink Diamond and her pet are soon immobilised.

        "Let her go!" she cries, but White knows she doesn't  _truly_  care for the human. She only smiles and continues.

        "These worthless Gems weren't enough, were they? See how you surround yourself with lower life forms?" the greyscale Gems repeat her words, their lips curled. "You've  _smothered_  yourself in them. It feels good, doesn't it, Pink? Dulling your power, hiding your face, blaming  _everything_ —"

         _"STOP!_  You're hurting them!"

        This is growing tiresome.

        "You should know all too well by now that what you say is  _never_  the case, Pink. You don't  _care_  for these 'friends'. You use them, don't you? You use them for your personal gain."

        "Please, stop!" She is still fighting. "Let them go! You'll break them! You're breaking them! Look at what you did to Mom's Pearl!"

        "I do not  _break_  my Gems. Don't you remember it was  _you_  who—"

        "Please! Just let them go, let  _everyone_  go! You're hurting everyone—"

         _"I am PERFECTING them,"_  she cuts—

         _Crack!_

        She freezes. Blue Diamond is falling.

         _"No,"_ White gasps—

        She hits the floor, and the grey fades from every other Gem. Yellow Diamond is on her knees, and then she is beside the fallen Gem, chest heaving.

        "Blue," she breathes, and her voice is trembling. The Diamond is still, her colours still faded.

        Pink is beside her now too, coaxing her, trying to wake her up.

        White sees the crack on her gem. And she realises her mistake.

        White Diamond is on her knees next to Yellow. "Blue, no—"

        Yellow Diamond spins to her. Her eyes are wet, but burning with a hateful fire. "You — you did this to her, didn't you?"

        It looks like she will continue, but she bites her lip, holding herself back. It is clear she is afraid of the largest Diamond, but then, looking at Blue again, she bursts.

        "How  _could_  you? We— All we did was  _talk_! All she did was— was. . ." she lets out a little gasp, and a tear rolls down her cheek. "You broke her." She meets her gaze again, eyes hard. "Pink left because of  _you_. We should have left too. Before . . . Before it was too late."

        White knows that Yellow doesn't believe this herself, and she doesn't expect it to hurt, but it does. She is flawless, she shouldn't feel this way. She is  _perfect_ —

        She gazes down at Blue, and it strikes her again, like a lightning bolt.

         _I'm NOT perfect._

        And she finds her glow has suffused, leaving her vulnerable. When she looks down at her hands, they are translucent. This is what she is; inside. Without that infernal glow, she is  _nothing_ , and everyone can see that for themselves.

        When she looks up, the walls aren't solid anymore, either. They are mirrored. She stands and a dozen copies of herself follow suit. She feels outnumbered, claustrophobic. She nears the closest reflection, lays her hand on the glass. When she gazes at herself, all she sees is a ghost.

        And she has known for a long time. She has always hated herself for it. She has shoved it down, masked it, ignored it always. She has hidden herself, more and more frequently, lest her Gems — and forbid, the other Diamonds — find out.

        Because she has grown attached to Pink. Pink's light may be her own, but now Pink has brought out  _her_  Pink. Her Pink that suffuses with her many-coloured self, that throws her Off-Colour. Less and less she goes out. More she hides. Less Gems rejected, fewer shattered . . . and then more,  _more_ , MORE, to prove to herself, to prove to everyone, she IS  _perfect_.

        Mind games. Puppeteering. More control. The Tower. She hides Pink in that Tower in an effort to hide the Pink in herself.

        But it doesn't work. And then Pink is playing games — and then the Blue, and then the Yellow. They all shine through in her, and though she is perfect, she is  _Off-Colour_.

        And through herself in the mirror, she can still see Blue, lying motionless on the floor. She is grey, she is cracked — she is imperfect.

        Just like herself.

         _White. . ._

        It is HER fault. All of it.

         _White?. . ._

        An Off-Colour  _Diamond_! If she were herself, she would shatter her.

         _White!. . ._

        There is nothing to do, nothing at all. She feels so empty. She is  _nothing_. She has always been.

        "WHITE!"

        When she opens her eyes, Pink is there by her feet, and she looks as if she were light-years away.

        "White, please, you need to help her."

        She can't help her. She can't help herself.

        "Please. I know what you can do."

        She finds she is breathing hard.  _Breathing?_  Breathing like a lower life form. She is more than Off-Colour. It is much worse than that. She is defective.

        "You care about Blue, don't you?"

        Finally she can muster a response. She nods, silent.

        "Okay. Then just come with me, and I'll show you what to do."

        Time blurs and again she's in front of Blue Diamond. Pink is sitting on her chest, hand on her gem.

        "I already tried to heal her, but it didn't work. Maybe it's because you've still got a hold on her."

         _Imperfect. Flawed. Off-Colour. Defective._

        "Can you try to take it away, please?"

         _Imperfect. Blue. Flawed. I'm sorry. . . Off-Colour. No! Defective. Please. . ._

        "White . . . please?

         _Imperfect. Focus. Flawed. FOCUS. Off-Colour. Release. Defective. Release. . ._

        "It's working! Keep going!"

         _Imperfect. Relax. Flawed. Release. Off-Colour. Draw it away. Defective. Blue again._

        "White, you did it! Look, it's okay. I can heal her."

         _IMPERFECT. FLAWED. OFF-COLOUR! DEFECTIVE!_

        "Blue? Blue, can you hear us?"

        "Blue, it's me, Yellow. . ."

        Movement, and the voices in her head quieten.

        Blue Diamond is sitting up. She is drowsy, but blue. Awake. Her gem smooth and untarnished.

        "Blue. . ."

        Yellow's talking, lifting trembling fingers to the other's gem. She draws in a sharp little breath, and she is kissing Blue, on her forehead, her hand, her gem. . . She looks up.

        White's eyes are fixed on her. She has never before seen such . . . such untamed actions in her Court.

        She feels her brows crease and her lips curl, and then Pink speaks.

        "You did it, White. You fixed her."

        Slowly, her gaze drops to the tiny Diamond. She looks happy, and she reaches out for her.

        She fixed her. . .?

         _Imperfect. Flawed. Off-Colour. Defective._

        The whispers are still there, but as she gazes at Blue Diamond in Yellow's arms, she can feel something inside her soften.

        Maybe she is good for something after all.


End file.
